Sometimes life really sucks

This year has been a really pain in the behind! Between constant worrying about my job...if I'm going to have one, if I'm going to survive the next cut, if I'm going to be pushed backwards it goes on and on...but I will persevere because I am strong and if they can't see the potential in me, someone else will.

Anyway that is not really why I came on to post tonight, what is going on at work is trivial compared to what my children will be going through in the next months....particularly my son...
He found out today that his father my ex- husband has terminal cancer. Even though we have been divorced almost as long as we were married, he is still the father of my children and I care....
My son and daughter are grown, but to know that your children are hurting so deeply and that the struggles my ex will have in the coming months just breaks my heart....

All I know how to do was to write my feelings and frustrations out...I can't talk about this to my husband, I don't think he would understand. It's not about me still having feelings for my ex, I do but not in the way he would understand. He is the father of my children, at one time we loved each other. Now I still love him but not in the way I used to, now it is respect for him changing his life, being a good dad and loving his children.

Cancer is horrible, I have seen too many of my beloved family die of it and suffer from it that it breaks my heart. I know there are others who know what I'm saying and feel the same pain  and have also gone through this terrible disease. What it does to not only the person who has the cancer, but the loved ones who are left behind with the pictures in their minds of the wasted shell of their dearest loved one.

My son is very close to his dad, and by his side when he went through his first bought of throat cancer due to agent orange. But because his dad lives 5 hrs away and my son just got back to work, he hasn't been able to make but one trip to see him in a yr. I know this is bothering him and I know he struggles with guilt...but I also know his dad will and does understand.

I hope my son decides to go spend what time his dad has left on this earth, to bring him final joy of just being together.  He can get another job, but you can't get back time spent with your parent....

I will pray that god shows him mercy and that he does not suffer...he is a good man that lost his way and in the end found his way back...

I know this may seem rambling to you, but I needed to get this out...

2012 New year new beginnings!

Well I see I've been very lax in my posts...

I'm going to change that this year! There were many changes for me in 2011, some good some not so good.

But I've decided I will work on making things better for myself and others in 2012!

What does she mean better for others? Well I'm going to try to "pay it forward" At least once or twice a month and try to get others to do the same. Paying it forward just means to do something or help someone in some way and ask them to do something for someone else...ask them to do the same.

Many have been struggling, be it money problems, family issues, illness etc. you see where I'm going right? Just doing one small act of kindness each day or when ever it presents itself will not only make you feel better but the other person as well.

Even if it is just smiling at someone who is looking grumpy can change that persons day. I know when someone smiles at me, or holds the door open it makes my day so much better!

So Pay It Forward in 2012

What I've been working on

I began a new afghan I came across this pattern from Annies Attic for Bavarian Crochet and fell in love with the look. If you use the right color combination you will end up with a stunning afghan. My afghan was at first a test of the pattern, so the colors I started with were white and burgandy. But I was not feeling the love for the white yarn...not because of the color but because it was some Redheart yarn I've had around for a few yrs and it was killing my hands with the stiffness of it....Had crocheted for years using Redheart yarns and this skein is just awful. So I decided to use up the Bernat Berella"4" I have in the burgandy, light and dark taupe colors.

What do you think so far?

I've finished my sons girl friends scarf, the pattern is called Old Shale. I really love this pattern and it was an easy lace knit. Though the yarn was not my favorite to work with (soft baby yarn that creates a halo with wear) for this pattern, but it will be easy for her to care for and she loved the color.

New projects for Christmas 2010!

I've been testing cowl patterns, trying to find something that everyone will like and I won't go crazy trying to finish by Christmas eve.....

I've also been working on a feather and fan lace scarf for my son's GF. I really hope she likes it, I'm half way complete with it.

I've also been doing crochet dish clothes, have a few knitted ones done also. I even tried a few crochet/knit hand towels. Those take more time to do, and cotton really tires my hands out. So the 2 I have completed will be for me :) Or that special someone who will appreciate them....have not decided.

Completed a shawl for my wonderful mother, this one was crocheted. Have the raglan knitted shawl on the needles, just don't like the yarn colors....so part of it is going to the frog pond.
Still have the Shearling sweater for my Mom going....I'm so close to done and just can't seem to get back into it! I think because it is crochet and a sweater is what is holding me back. Crochet garments just don't shape as easily as knitted ones...I will just make myself get past it as this project has been in the works for 2 darn yrs now! Shame on me...right...

Well that's just a quick update of my wanderings and projects for Christmas...that should have started in Jan 2010, not Oct 2010.....

Where or where have I been???

Well work has kept me very busy! I have to say I got all my christmas hats knit and even one for my boss! Which I was surprised and honored to do! He said "it was like he sat right next to me while I knit it for him, exactly what he wanted". I love it when a project is appreciated!

Niece's loved the hats also, my son and his buddy wanted one. So of course I did one for each in gray and red for Josh, my son Brandon got gray and blue. Husband and Josh's girlfriend now would like one.....hubby's is almost done and Josh's girlfriend's will be next.

2 more to do for my sister and daughter.......can we say I've done 9 1/2 already....yeah me!

I've also completed some really cool crochet dish cloth's so spring like in colors. Cool lime with a raspberry stripe. Looks so fresh and just makes you want to wash dishes.....or at least display it for a lovely splash of color.

I've completed a knitted off white dish towel, this takes a bit longer to complete, so I'm thinking of using the pattern from the crochet dish cloth to make a matching hand towel...might be too thick but nothing gained nothing ventured right...?

Wow just reading all I've done recently no wonder I've not blogged in awhile....I have at least 4 UFO's to complete....today looks like a good day to work on them. Out in the shade of my beautiful Maple tree....after the mowing is done :(

Almost forgot!! I knit my first pair of footies!! I finally figured out socks are not hard to do! They are not perfect, but they are for me to keep my feet cozy this winter. Now that my son seen them he would like some nice wool socks...better get knitting huh....I see 2 pairs coming to him for christmas...dang it's just around the corner too!

Everyone have a super day and I'll be back with some photos of my finshed projects!

Wow have I been away too long....

Okay, I've been away from here for too long...New Years resolution update blog more often..

Alright whats been going on, well I still have to finish my Moms sweater...finish it already!

Still have to sew Zach's afghan strips together...why is it not done? Well maybe because when I went to add the next strip I found it was too short and the yarn is discontinued. So have to take it apart and rearage the colors. So it got put in the time out pile again....

I did get several afghans sewed together and edges put on them, my sister crochets faster then I can put the darn things together! ummh could be why my projects are behind...Dawn we need to talk :)

I finished 3 Chulla hats since Friday Dec 18th (christmas presents) I'm going to start another one today and hope to finish it by Christmas also....But I needed to start laundry and let my hands rest a bit.

I'm using knitpiks 16" Harmony circ's and my hand's are getting a bit cramped, though I love how the tips grab the stitches. Nice point, but I used yarn that was really splitty. But nieces picked it out and so that's what I used.

Well must get back to my Chulla's. The list is growing for those wanting one....I love it!

What have I been working on....

I have lot's of UFO's, I need to get them completed before tackling the new afghan for a friend. But what have I been working on.....mitered dishcloth's!

I've been frustrated lately, so after my walk I've been doing these dishcloth's. I've got quite a pile. I guess I need a quick project lately to feel like I accomplished something :)

List of UFO's

1.) Mom's sweater
2.) Fan Afghan
3.) Baby Afghan (sew together and crochet an edge)
4.) Zach's afghan (sew togeher, weave in ends on a billion squares!) must be why it's still sitting....

Well now that I put it in black and white it'as not too terribly long....I'm sure I missed adding the sock I've been trying to turn the heel on and a few other little projects.....but these 4 have been around for too long.......

Now spring is coming and I have a few more projects to add to my list of things I want to make.
For instance I purchased Organic Cotton yarn for a co-workers grandchild and still have not started it and the child was born almost a month ago....this would be great for the baby with spring coming to make her a sping afghan and maybe a spring hat.

I'd also like to make myself a cotton hoodie for the spring, to wear on my walks. But that really can wait until next spring as I'm in the process of losing weight (doing weight watchers and love it) so I will reward myself with a lovely hoodie 2 sizes smaller for next spring! That will be a great goal for me! For now I will reward myself for exercising with a headband for my ears, it's been cold here in the Chicago area and my ears hurt after my walk a couple days ago. Burr is all I can say!

Knit and Crochet on!